Oops!

Fun story, I was SO ready to blog every month...until I got pregnant! lol! That's right guys, we had a SECOND baby! Welcome to the world baby L!

This pregnancy was very difficult, my body just basically hates being pregnant. One of my OB's (I saw many lol) told me she felt so sorry for me every time I saw her. Which I responded with, "Thanks, now take the pain away." I had a thing going on called Prodromal labor, its labor contractions without the changing of the cervix. I started having real contractions at 19 weeks, and then they became every 2-4 minutes multiple times a day starting at 23 weeks. It was absolutely horrible having to feel labor contractions, but not being able to do anything about it. I was literally told, "Come in when you feel anything change, and make sure you get here on time because since this has been happening a lot your cervix will change extremely fast." Great, thanks for that advice! I think I ended up in the hospital 17 times before he officially came? Luckily my water broke, so I KNEW it was time to go! For anyone going through prodromal labor, I am so so sorry. Just think of the cute bundle of joy and it will get you through it! He ended up being born at 35 weeks and 5 days and was in the NICU for a few days due to some stuff, but he is a perfectly happy and healthy baby now! He also came in at 7lbs 2oz LOL ouch. 

Besides having a baby, we moved to a new state. So throw in anxiety, postpartum depression and an eating disorder we have a wonderful mix for a relapse. Have I relapsed? No, thank goodness. I am struggling though...more than I like to admit. My suicidal ideations have come back full force, which I will do NOTHING about, but I finally understand why my old therapist said that they were "escapes" for me. I believe when I think of the ideations, I get a moment away from the anxiety and depression, because I have an "escape." Is it right? NOPE, but I also realize that this is how my brain works under huge changes and amounts of stress. I'm more shaken that it has come back this strong than anything, but confident and at peace knowing nothing will come of it. I also know I've been in worse shape and have come through with unimaginable strength before. 

E is loving being a big sister more than anything! She does get jealous, but never gets mad at baby L so it helps! She's been more understanding than I could have ever asked for and I love watching her love him! Of course, he loves her right back, pretty sure his first smile was at her.

                                                 Look at them! Ugh, my heart!

We were also so blessed with being able to baptize baby L, right as we were moving! On our way to Alabama from Florida, we stopped in Augusta to stay with and see some of my favorite people. The priest that grew to mean so much to me, lives in Aiken (not far from Augusta) and baptized E and was able to baptize little L too! It was so special to us.

That's pretty much a fast update, I've already started on another blog so hopefully things won't go too crazy again where I can update like I promised at the beginning of 2020. 

Damn 2020...am I right?!

<3 M