My First Mother's Day

My “first” — I say first because when I found out I was pregnant I already called myself a mom– Mother’s Day was spent in a place no mother should.

I have a very best friend, Melissa, who was actually the first person I befriended here in Georgia. She has turned out to be one of my closest friends and there’s not a lot I won’t share with her (thank you for that haha). She just had to go through what no mother should, her son was declared brain dead this morning. She had been at the hospital with her son since Thursday.  Her son had surgery on Monday and things started getting bad the day after. I first of all, want to tell you how wonderful this woman and her son is. I look up to her so much and I don’t even think she knows it. She is by far one of the most strongest people I know and the first person I go to for advice when I need it and I always cherish her advice. She’s helped me through the darkest years I’ve ever had, and I’ve become a better person because of her. I never really got to meet her son, but through what Melissa has told me I should have.

All of this time while watching her at the hosptial, I’ve been admiring her for how strong she is. It got me thinking if I could ever go through anything like this and survive. I kept holding little E closer and closer as each day passed and her son was still in the ICU, and it got me thinking…

What does being a mother mean to me?

First of all, it means the world to me to have a child, let alone the sweet little girl that we were blessed with. Being a mom is having Emma when I least expected it, 7 weeks early, after being in the hospital for 6 days. I will never let her live that down, I was on magnesium sulfate 3 different times, but that didn’t stop her haha.

Being a mom means your whole world turned upside down the day she was born. She wasn’t breathing when she came out and I never knew that I could be so afraid of something. It wasn’t just N and I anymore, we had this precious new life that we had to take care of.

Being a mom means waking up every hour to check on your new born to make sure she’s breathing. It’s getting up whenever she starts to cry because you need to feed her. It’s getting up even when you know she’s not hungry, but maybe scared or just needs to know that you’re there. It means you are her safe place, and that means more to me than I could have ever imagined.

Being a mom means I get frustrated. There’s times where I’m frustrated because I don’t know why she’s crying and times where I just want to scream. I don’t though, because she’s just trying to tell me something. (I may have screamed on a couple of occasions…just not with her in the room haha)

Being a mom means it takes FOREVER to get anywhere. I used to be the person who was 30 minutes early overtime, not anymore. Yes, that bugs me haha but I need to cherish her being this small. It won’t last for long

Being a mom means I need to take care of myself so that she grows up knowing to love and respect her body and have a healthy relationship with food.

Being a mom means teaching her how to act appropriately. She needs to be proud of who she is, but also be humble.

Being a mom means teaching her the respect she deserves from everyone. Especially men. —- Sorry N, it’s gonna happen at some point haha

Being a mom means putting her in the crib just to take a fast shower and cry and cry so you can get it out before having to go out to do our daily routines.

Being a mom means I get to have fun and dress her in cute outfits while I get to wear yoga pants, a t-shirt and my hair up. I’m okay with that!

Being a mom means I need to teach her about God and how He comes before everything in her life.

Being a mom means sometimes being so uncomfortable so that your child can sleep peacefully on you. Not going to the bathroom, your butt getting bruised, or your back is just hurting like heck.

Being a mom means when you hear something is wrong with your daughter your heart stops for a minute and you get sick to your stomach, but holding it together so you can figure out what you need to do to make her better.

Being a mom has been such a blessing, especially since we were told it probably wouldn’t happen.

Being a mom means doing anything and everything to protect your children

And lastly,

Being a mom means loving your children with all of your being.

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone,

<3 M